i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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