I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
