I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
