i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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