he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
