I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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