is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
