2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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