we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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