What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize