there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
