i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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