Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
