Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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