Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize