i love accidental penises.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
