Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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