One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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