dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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