I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
