Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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