The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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