My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
