I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
