ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
