it wasn't lemon gatorade
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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