meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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