just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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