trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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