well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
