your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
