I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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