Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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