flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
