If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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