I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
