worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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