my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
