planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
