If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
