it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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