I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
