Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
