I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dicks are not precious.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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