fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
