She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
