i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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