Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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