I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize