apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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