Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
