i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
