Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
