kristin has been a bad kristin
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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