I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
