I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have demons in me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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