I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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