Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
