I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
