Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
