this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
