There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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