I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
