she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
