What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize