i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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