dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
only if we run a train.
done.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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