Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I sprained my soul last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
