I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
