i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
