You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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