I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
