haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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