Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
