Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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